Who are We Waiting For?
In a recent post on Instagram, Among the Lilies, stated that Advent isn’t about performing acts of holiness, it is about waiting.
Years ago, we lost an infant son, and in the months of waiting I worshipped at the altar of a vending machine god. I plunked in prayers like quarters, in hopes that if I put in enough good works and prayers, the miracle I was begging for would be dispensed.
After we lost him, I struggled with the idea that there was more I could have done. In the months that followed I spent hours in the evening at our quiet, candlelit parish both lamenting and praying that my heart would be healed.
Slowly, after pouring out my deep and honest anger at Him, I rediscovered a God that loves me beyond all telling. I discovered a Father that does not pour out blessings as a reward or withhold as a punishment. I discovered a God who yearns to sit beside me and enter every part of my heart. The hardened and angry part, the scared part and the insecure part. He did not leave when I was honest with Him, but came much, much closer.
God wants an honest relationship with us, not a perfect one.
Still now, many years later, I find myself striving in various seasons. My insecurity gets the best of me, and I want to add bullets points onto my spiritual resume. Recently I was reminded that in these situations, to pray for the gift of poverty of spirit. Holiness cannot be grasped at or checked off like a to do list.
Who we wait for determines how we will wait.
The God that wants to come into our hearts this Christmas wants to come into the parts we are most critical of. The ones we have hid behind a closed door, often because we are afraid of God speaking to this part of our heart like we do; harsh and critical. We are afraid of God telling us what we say to ourselves, Yes, keep this part of you hidden.
But the God we wait on wants to enter this part of our heart with the gentleness of a newborn baby. And here He yearns to be held tenderly and nurtured. In holding the Truth here, in the tenderest parts of ourselves, we will be reconciled to Him and thus to ourselves.
Reader, what part of your heart, your life, your past, your mistakes or your wounds, has God asked if you had room for Him? Can you picture yourself opening this door? Mary is outside waiting to place the Christ Child in your arms. Imagine cradling Him, pulling Him to your chest and simply sitting with Him as He sleeps contently on your chest.
God wants to give us the gift of freely being our most authentic selves.
Let’s let this Advent be the beginning of restoration of our whole heart to God.
Peace,
Jennifer