Hustling, Hiding & Exhaustion

July 29

For years I did not look at, attempt to process or make sense of the shame I carried.  Instead, I put it in a tiny glass dish.  I was very cautious with it.  I could not leave it behind, as it was very much a part of me, so I carried it with me.

I carefully assessed each situation before determining where to hide it.  Should I hide it under people pleasing?  Should I hide it by staying small and silent? 

The energy I put into hiding it was draining.  The lies it whispered were like an old appliance that constantly runs in the background.  I got used to it and everything untrue it whispered to me.

It’s why I hustled, hid and read the room to ensure people were happy. 

It was in my processing it, in saying it out loud, that it got quieter and quieter.  It was in saying it out loud in a professional’s office and the healing that came from multiple conversations that I realized we are God’s hands and feet.  I had prayed but healing came when I sought out help.

Seeking perfection, isolation and hustling are not remedies for shame, but instead they are often symptoms.  If you are tired of hustling, hiding and feeling like no matter what you do it is not enough, there is a different path.  Shame keeps us running from a lie in hopes it will never catch us.  Finding the truth that shame buried will bring inner peace and freedom.

One step at a time. Keep going. Don’t give up.

 Until next time,

Jennifer