Invitations and Tables
When I was a freshman in college, we gathered for a Bible study in the RA’s small apartment on Sunday evenings. That evening he spoke about the bible verses from Luke 14: 8 – 11.
This verse is often a reminder not to exult yourself and take the lowest place. Near the end of his reflection on these verses, he asked us to picture the table of our lives and asked us who we had invited to take a place at our table.
Who have you invited to sit in the highest seat? And who at the lowest?
Very recently, I struggled with an offhanded comment someone had made one night while out at dinner. I felt deeply misunderstood and hurt by her comments. In the days and weeks after that dinner, I had started a few emails to send in response and picked up the phone to call, only to feel a deep hesitation.
At Mass, one Saturday evening I saw a mutual acquaintance that conjured up everything that I was trying to keep at bay. It felt like an interruption to the peace I had come to experience. Seeing this person was like gas on the flame of anger and bitterness.
Finally, I closed my eyes and said a quiet prayer, asking for help. I felt a new question.
Who have you invited to your table? I was immediately brought back to that small apartment, sitting shoulder to shoulder on the floor.
It helped me to see the situation differently and reduced the anger that bubbled up when I thought about what happened. Why did their opinion of me matter so much? Why had I invited them to sit at my table? Had I given away someone else’s place?
The bigger question, that He lay on my heart was, where does your identity lie? Sometimes I forget that a loving Father created me with a great plan and purpose. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable.
When I have not taken the time to fill my own bucket, I wander off and look elsewhere, asking others, even acquaintances, who do you say that I am? God reminds me again and again that He has a profoundly beautiful answer to that question.
Controlling other’s opinions of ourselves is exhausting and draining. When I find myself struggling with this, I know I need to spend time with God and time discerning who I’ve invited to my table.
Until next time,
Jennifer